Unexpected Reality

Life or something like it…

It’s so funny where life takes you, the people you meet along the way, the places you go, the experiences you have.  Currently I’m working as a nanny so most of my stories of my days revolved around the happenings of a 2 1/2 year old little girl and her almost 11 week old brother.  I feel like a mom…almost like i’ve skipped a whole bunch of steps before i got to that one too, haha. 

I’ve been having a lot of realizations lately, but the biggest one is this lie that I’ve been believing that at 26 I’m supposed to have my life figured out, I’m supposed to be in my career and taking steps to setting up my life for retirement, getting out of debt and working 9-5 for the rest of eternity.  Now hold up!  there is something clearly wrong with this picture, I’m only 26!  I don’t have any hardcore attachments right now, I’m considering grad school…but lately the Lord has so been stirring my heart to travel, and not just take a short trip, but to go somewhere for a long time, and maybe study over there as well.  All I know is that I’m itching to get out of the country again…like super close to checking out plane tickets… quitting my job come fall and just going.  I know I’m trying to be safe and wise and save money right now, but when else in my life will I do this?  five years from now?  ten years from now?  when i feel stable enough to go? who knows what my life will be like then, if ill be married with kids, whatever.  i dont want to miss opportunities that i have right now just because im trying to do what society is telling me to do…i want to live life to the fullest and see the world, really see it.  be a part of another culture, soak it all in and experience the amazingness that is out there. 

All I know is that if this whole grad school thing doesn’t pan out over here, there is a very good chance I will be on the next plane outta here come fall and possibly grad school over there.  Cuz it’s free anyway!  Now who wants to go with me? :)

Blessed

Over the past five years I have had the opportunity to go to Turkey, Italy, Spain, Kenya and Guatemala, as well as all over the USA…literally all over.  And I’m only 26.  I’ve met people from every one of those places and have created friendships that are still going strong today.  I have lived in Ohio, North Carolina and now Virginia…three different and very distinct cultures and areas, which shaped and impacted me in various ways.  I have been a lifeguard, a teacher, a nanny and a receptionist.  I have been in four weddings and attended way too many to count (considering there were 11 in one year).  I have had the opportunity to be a part of ministries in many different places, be poured into and pour into others, and see God transform peoples lives, and my own along the way.  And I’m only 26.

If five years ago you would have asked me what I thought my life would look like in five years, I highly doubt I would say it would look like how it is now, but I wouldn’t want it any other way.  I am exactly where I’m supposed to be, I have been challenged, encouraged, changed, and strengthened throughout this entire process and it’s only just begun.  I still have 80 some odd years left on this planet, Lord willing, and today I am humbled and a little overwhelmed at the way God has blessed me over the past five years.  I cannot even begin to fathom all that he has in store for my life in the future. 

I am so incredibly blessed and thankful.  The process of surrendering and letting go and allowing Him to rule and reign in my life, allowing Him to have control, is hard at times, but is more than worth it in the end.

What now?

Is it possible at the age of 26 to have a mid-life crisis?  (kidding, well kinda)  I mean I have an ocean of possibilities ahead of me, I could literally do anything, but then i get hit square in the face with, but what is the wisest decision?  To think that when you’re in your 20’s the “world is your oyster” and you can choose what you want to do and where you want to live and truly live it up before you “settle down” and have a family and all that jazz.  Which lets be honest here, I don’t think I’ll ever really be “settling down” in the true sense of the word, I’m an adventurer and traveler at heart and I love being spontaneous and random and whoever God has for me as my husband will have the same heart, so it will be one interesting ride for the both of us.  So back again to the whole mid-life crisis thing…it’s not really a crisis per-say, it’s more of a fuzzy period of limbo of not really being quite sure what’s next.  I mean I know what I want to do, I know where my heart and passion are, but it’s just the steps in between to get there that are a bit foggy.  There’s the part of me that just wants to sell everything I own, put a few outfits in a suitcase, hop on a plane and just go…just see the world and take each day as it comes.  Then there’s the “adult” side of me that says I have to work and pay off loans and feel as though I’ll never be able to do anything because of this stupid debt, but the wise decision would be to save money and pay off as much as I can right now.  Then there’s this other part of me that feels as though I’m on the brink of this great and amazing adventure that God’s about to take me on, I’m not exactly sure what it looks like or where it will take me, and I’m nervous and excited and anxious to get there, but just not quite sure when it’s going to start.  But are those the steps or choices I’m supposed to make in order to get to the end result?  Or is the end result just choosing to live each day as it comes and being incredibly thankful that I have the opportunity to do so?

In the grand scheme of things life is great, I love my friends, I love my family, I love my church and the ministries I’m blessed enough to be a part of, but there are moments where I stop and just sense like there’s still a piece missing, but God’s working in the background, He’s behind the scenes and for the time being all He wants me to do is trust and obey…so that’s what I’ll do.

BUT…plane tickets sure are sounding pretty tempting right now, that and a backpacking trip through Europe… one day, when the time is right, for sure :)

For I know the plans…

Jeremiah 29:11…come on kids say it with me…”For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I’ve heard that verse so many times in my life and so many times when I’ve been in different seasons of my life where I can’t tell which way is up that verse is brought back to the forefront of my mind.  But what does that verse really mean, we can spout it off on cue, but have we ever taken the time to really examine it, to meditate on it, let the truth and the magnitude of it overtake us?

God has plans for my life, for your life, for the annoying kid down the street, for the random person you just walked by, for the person you just got off the phone with, for your brother, sister, mom, dad, etc.  God has plans for them and those plans are good, they are plans to give you hope…HOPE, that’s HUGE.  These plans aren’t devious, or manipulative, or bad, they are good plans, plans to prosper you…and that’s great!  BUT…yes, there is a but…this only works when we choose to allow God to have control of our lives so that He can bring those plans to fruition.  I think that a lot of us “buy into” this verse, but we don’t fully receive it or allow it to take hold in our lives, because even though God promises good plans for our lives, we still try to maintain control and have OUR plans take the lead.  We speak this verse out with our mouths, but our hearts speak something a little different.  It’s like we are giving God lip service, we’re just going through the motions, but the bottom line is that we can’t fool God, we can’t just go halfway with Him, we have to choose to be all in. 

God has our absolute best interest at heart, and even when we can’t see it, even when we think everything is going horribly wrong because what WE wanted to have happen isn’t happening. .. that relationship isn’t working out, the job didn’t come through, that’s not where I really want to live, and so on…God is still at work and He’s working all things together for the good of those who love Him, He’s working and just waiting for us to finally let it all go, surrender our plans, surrender our expectations and allow Him to do His thing. 

It sounds so easy, yet we make it so hard, because we think we know what’s best and we want things to happen when we want them to happen and when they don’t we get frustrated or anxious or upset or whatever.  God’s ways are higher and His timing is perfect…so choose to let go, choose to accept His plan for your life…because it is so so good and beyond anything you can ever begin to imagine.  And in those moments of frustration or anxiety, take a moment to take a step back and look back over your life of all the times that God came through and orchestrated so many different things to bring you to exactly where you’re supposed to be and give thanks that He loves you so much and is with you every step of the way.

“For I know the plans I have for you, Carol, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Receive that…Happy New Year :)

A reflection of glory…

As 2011 comes to a close and 2012 begins soon I become reflective and sentimental about all that this past year held, all that I learned and did and experienced and how I was changed and challenged and transformed.  Then I look ahead 2012 and i cannot help but have this eager anticipation, this spirit of expectancy that God is going to move in mighty ways and this year will be unlike any other I have ever experienced before in my life.

2011 was definitely a year of change and of travel.  In the course of the past twelve months my destinations have included Florida, North Carolina, Kenya, New Mexico, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Ohio and Guatemala.  I have been places I never thought I would go before and seen things and met people who have impacted and changed my life forever. 

The beginning of 2011 was one of heartache and challenge and a place of a lot of sadness and despair, but through all of it God was right there, pulling me through and carrying me at some points.  And through the course of those events I came to a place of surrender and had gained new wisdom and understanding of myself as a person and what I was capable of and of how desperately I needed Jesus and how thankful I was that He was in my life. And looking back, seeing the moments of joy in the midst of the chaos, and being so thankful for them.

Kenya once again captured my heart-the people, the experiences, the places, the love, the faith, the family…all of it.  I experienced more of what it would be like to actually live there, the good, the bad and the sometimes ugly aspects of it. And my heart was opened once again to the Lord and who He is and was challenged by who He’s calling me to be in the midst of the world that I live in and how things that I once thought were completely turned upside down and were replaced by His truth and His call on my life and nothing less than His best.

And the biggest change was a move, once again, this time to Virginia, back in with my parents.  This was a challenge in itself, but for other reasons.  More so coming to terms with myself of being 26 years old and having a degree and living with my parents, and really having no idea what I want to do with my life.  Over the following months God has revealed to me bits and pieces of what He has created me for, what I’m passionate about and the true importance of being in the moment that He has me in.

So I come to the end of this year, with a heart overflowing with thankfulness and gratitude for all that God has taught me this year, for all that I have gone through and for all that He has given me.  Now I am in a place of excitement of staying in one place for longer than a year, of being rooted and planted in an amazing church, of pouring into the lives of other young adult women and of pursuing a passion that was birthed inside me long before I was born.  God is so amazing, His love never fails and He will never leave us or forsake us.

2012 is a year of expectancy…and I’m ecstatic of all that will take place this year :)

Change is Necessary

In two days another change will take place in my life, and this change has been a constant one in my life over the last almost nine years, that would be moving…and this time it’s to Virginia, there has to be something in the world that is worse than moving, I just haven’t been able to find out what that is yet

So begins a new phase in my life, I don’t really know what this phase entails, what job I will have, or where exactly I’ll be living or the friends I’ll make, or the church I’ll be attending…but I know that my God is faithful and that He is the one constant in my life and He is never changing and never ending, and I trust Him, not just I trust Him for this or that, but I trust Him COMPLETELY…and I know that this is where I’m supposed to be going next and I’m believing that God will show up in my life in amazing ways and that I will be a different person because of what He will do in my life

I’ve been reading this phenomenal book by Beth Moore, and in one section of the book she’s talking about change and how it’s a necessity in our lives, this is what she says, ” The truth is, God uses change to change us.  He doesn’t use it to destroy us or to distract us but to coax us to the next level of character, experience, compassion, and destiny…how will we ever change if everything around us stays the same?  or what will ever cause us to move on to the next place He has for us if something doesn’t happen to change the way we feel about where we are?  God is thoroughly committed to finished the masterpiece He started in us (Philippians 1:6), and that process means one major thing: change.”

Change is going to be hard, it will be difficult, we may not necessarily like it, but so much good will come of it, if that is where God is leading us.  .

I don’t always understand why God does certain things, ok a majority of the time I don’t understand why God does the things He does, but He doesn’t call us to understand, He doesn’t call us to have everything figured out, He calls us to trust, to walk by faith, to surrender and submit and follow Him, and change is usually the catalyst in that happening in our lives…whether it be a new place, or the ripping away of unhealthy relationships or situations, or any number of things, it doesn’t surprise God…He is always in control…so instead of running from change or trying to do things our own way, we need to just embrace what God is doing and trust His plan…

so again, i move in two days, more change happening, and change happened in the last month that was hard and that hurt, but was necessary and will be for the best in the long run…God is gracious and “He works all things together for the good of those who love Him,” and I’m resting in that promise.

Future wise, I am at a loss…only God knows